ÁMEZING NEWS #28: MARCH MUSINGS
Sideburns, dream clients, & more!
If you didn’t know already, I love March! Pisces season! Spring is approaching! I’m writing to you topless tanning in my backyard (don’t worry I have a massive sun hat on, duh). Today is really one of those take your breath away days in LA, and I think it’s safe to say we are collectively ready to enter this new season together. (This rain started after my writing began, but the sentiment’s still true!)
Thank you all so much for the kind words and thoughts on my birthday (3/1!). I admit that I’ve always been a birthday diva–I love a party, a celebration. I love taking a tequila shot with my friends. Now, the word party just lands a little bit more softly. I love the idea of gathering and seeing people that have impacted my life in small and big ways. As I’m now officially in my mid-thirties, birthdays signify even more now. AGEING IS A BEAUTIFUL PRIVILEGE AND I AM THANKFUL TO BE ON THIS EARTH! Our world feels very unpredictable and scary, but I guess what I’m getting at is connection, relationship, love and health are all we have. That is the true abundance! I’m grateful.
SIDEBURNED
As my birthday approached, I reflected tremendously on my body and health in a very thorough way. I’ve done A LOT of work in this department as someone who has gone through eating disorders, depression and self-worth issues throughout my life. I’ve been thinking about letting go of impossible standards and my compulsion to “limit” myself in the name of health. The best way of describing how I feel is FREE! With a mix of I DONT GIVE TWO FUCKS. Cue my inner voice repeating, “EXISTING AND AGEING ARE PRIVILEGES, I PRACTICE GRATITUDE FOR MY VESSEL.”
In the midst of thinking about these things, I was asked to shave my sideburns while on set for a shoot. That was interesting. I’m sure my expression was pretty obvious–my eyes bugging out of my head–but I’m a professional so I kept it cool. Honestly, I’m surprised this has never come up while modeling before. For context, I’m Guatemalan of Mayan descent. It’s really normal for us to have longer sideburns. Sometimes that comes with facial hair and more pronounced baby hair too.
Like I said, I knew this question would come up one day, but when it did, I still felt confronted. I began spiraling. Two conflicting thoughts entered my mind. On one hand, I remembered I was here as a working model whose job is to fit the look the client wants. On the other hand, I felt resistance. I was like, “What does this mean for me?” It wasn’t just about changing my hair, it was about the insecurity that it made me feel. Were my sideburns being rejected? Were my sideburns a signifier of non-desirability? Was I subverting the beauty standard by having them? Was I betraying my culture if I agreed to remove them? Was I refusing to stand my ground as a model of color? Am I making this a bigger deal than it is? Am I being overly sensitive? Maybe yes? Maybe no?
THIS WAS MY EXACT INTERNAL DIALOGUE. THE THOUGHTS WERE INTENSE. And relentless.
I went to the bathroom for a quick break. I said to myself, “Do whatever you need to do that feels good.” At this moment, I came to the conclusion that I’d explored all sorts of hair removal (both in the present and in the past). Lasering my underarms and legs was one of the best things I’ve ever done, but I was also conflicted about doing that, aware that doing so was deviating from my “natural” self and lifestyle (and let’s be real, brand!) I think another reason I felt comfortable removing the sideburns, or at least shortening them, was how lovely everyone I was working with was. The people who asked me were lovely professionals who treated me with both tenderness and care. I decided to go for it.
As someone trimmed and dermaplaned my sideburns off, there was a moment of freeness. It was like, secretly, this was something I’d always wanted to try at least once. I’d trimmed my sideburns once before, but that was in my early 20s when I had a Tilda Swinton haircut, and I still didn’t shave them all the way down. I’d never seen what my face looked like with long hair without the long sideburns on the sides of my face. Internal spiral aside, I had to admit I liked the way it looked once they were gone. It was fresh and light and I still felt like myself. I thought I’d look so damn awkward, like the change was crazy obvious, but it wasn’t to most people. In fact, when you look at this picture, you’re probably going to think it’s relatively subtle.
It’s been almost three weeks now, and my sideburns are growing in with short, stubborn, and thick hair ready to claim its territory. If I thought I would be treated with anything but dignity had I not chosen to remove my sideburns, I wouldn’t have been so willing to do so despite my preferences and culture. Body modifications at any scale are ultimately a personal choice and they always should be. At the same time, that’s part of the vulnerability of modeling. Under these consensual, contractual agreements, your look, your face, and your body isn’t always completely yours (at least for the duration of that job). This request was to shave my sideburns. Another request could have been bleaching my brows, getting a spray tan, or painting my nails a certain way. I’m just glad I’m not being asked to undergo a full on Tyra / America’s Next Top Model makeover.
This was ultimately an interesting way to explore my personal and professional boundaries. It was also a moment to validate my own self worth–knowing that being asked to make a change doesn’t mean there’s anything inherently less valuable or wrong about how I look without the change. It’s just a matter of the job, the client, the day. Will I let my sideburns grow back in? Definitely. At some point. For now, I’m having fun allowing for some flexibility.
LINE WE LOVE: PAULA’S CHOICE
It’s so fun when my work as an esthetician merges with modeling. A recent career highlight was shooting with PAULA’s CHOICE, a brand I use regularly both professionally and personally. If you're unfamiliar with Paula's Choice, I’ll give you a quick summary. Paula's Choice is one of the greatest to ever do it when it comes to skincare, and even as the skincare market grows and becomes oversaturated, Paula's Choice remains top tier. Creator Paula Begoun launched Paula’s Choice in 1995 as one of the very first online beauty brands.
Five years later, she launched the 2% BHA liquid exfoliant. It was 2000 and nobody was really doing liquid exfoliants yet, her’s was one of the first to hit the market. Twenty years later, WWD named the 2% BHA liquid exfoliant one of the Top 100 best beauty products of ALL TIME!
This was a major moment for me. The shoot isn’t out yet, but I can show you this giant bottle of 2% exfoliant that I was able to play with, a product I’ve sold and recommended thousands of times at this point. I not only believe in the product for myself, but I truly believe there’s a place for this product in everyone's drawer or cabinet. Whether your skin suffers from congestion, texture or breakouts, incorporating this into your nighttime routine can help tremendously. It’s a great weekly maintenance product as well.
And beyond the 2% BHA liquid exfoliant, Paula’s Choice is one of the most comprehensive, effective, transparent and economically accessible skin care ranges in existence today. They may be best known for this product, but their other toners, serums, boosters, and cleansers are great too. If you’re interested, grab it from my ShopMy and tag me in your shelfie. You’ll notice many Paula’s Choice products throughout my various ShopMy lists :) More details about their newest product launch when our shoot comes out, promise!
NEW PRODUCTS: DR. DIAMOND METACINE
This range is crazy! It is truly making waves. For one, when I posted a couple of their products on my IG story, I received more replies than ever before. The curiosity is deep (and the packaging / branding is really strong). The latest addition to the line is the InstaFacial Infusion Biomimetic Microcollagen Matrix Serum, a creamy gel collagen treatment (retails for $325). This is part of the InstaFacial collection, a synergistic trio of products meant to mimic Dr. Diamond’s in-house custom facial procedure. I cannot wait to give the full three-step system a try. Expect a full report in our April newsletter!
Also, a special shoutout to the winner of last month’s lingerie giveaway! Be sure to check out Le Boudoir Los Angeles if you’re in Echo Park or browse their silk and cotton thongs online (you may see another side of me on their website…)